Taiwo Oyedele: Jobs for the Boys I suddenly saw a list of Lagos bankers submitted to the BGL Group by a former commissioner. According to her, these are people who make up an advisory committee set up for the Honourable Minister of Finance and Coordinator of the Economy. I have not seen the news report on the main newsfeeds, but I have seen a picture of the minister handshaking these brilliant bankers. From my quick rundown of the list, it looks like the Oga just packed all those who have been associated with him in his long career into the said committee. From his account officers, to the credit officer, to his relationship manager, to his auditor and even the receptionist in one of those offices he used to frequent on the job. From this list, it was very clear that this would form another framework for another ego-boosting, high-faulting waste of time and resources. Under his ministry, I am very sure that he has access to enough resources, both human and otherwise, has access to parastatals and even has access to international agencies who will be more than willing to support, so why go and drag these ones from their offices in Lagos to further complicate the already existing red tape in the system? You even have Dr Fasua out there at the Presidency and so many other eggheads within and around you, na until you go and pick the person that helped you manage your account at the bank before you will do your work as a minister? All this rigmarole is due to our faltered and failed democracy. There are no checks anymore and no real monitoring. This is why ministers like these are on a free train ride to “Paramaribo,” just a wild goose chase. We just start for this country. Kai. Dave Umahi: My Name is Umahi, Dave Umahi If you are a fan of the British Detective series James Bond, you will be familiar with this line of introduction. Whenever the dashing detective wants to introduce himself, he would say: “I am Bond, James Bond,” and then proceed to do some fantastic things. These days, anytime I see this fantastic minister and the many things ascribed to him, that introduction will just comes to my head – Umahi, Dave Umahi. This oga is nothing but a James Bond as he jumps from one issue to another. He will just float above it all, placating, ducking and dicing, saying everything and saying nothing. Juxtaposing his submissions with anecdotes, pidgin English and a mastery of the slippery elusiveness of Chinua Achebe’s Unoka. A lot is happening around him, both officially and personally, and all you get are very slippery responses – nothing you can hold on to and in some cases, like the Lagos-Calabar road and excess flooding, aggressive retorts that come across like – who the hell are you to query me, the deputy Emperor and my beloved Emperor? Some very funny stories are coming out of his village mansion. Main media has not been bold enough to carry it because he has blackmailed them with legal action, leaving the whole stench within the unconfirmed ambits of anonymous speculations by shadowy social media blogs, thereby firmly leaving the sordid tale within the bowels of the escapists, “allegedly.” Whatever the case is, I just want to say Idi Amin Dada of Uganda had an end. Emperor Bokassa had an end; this and others like this will surely have an end, so enjoy the ride while it lasts. This man just makes us feel like we are not worthy of him, despite the fact that power nestles with the people. Quite annoying. Thanks. Julius Rone: Let It Flow Julius is not called the Gas King for nothing. The man has just signed a 15-year gas supply deal that opens up his UTM to a consistent gas supply, and this would open them up to more comprehensive funding on better terms and other such brilliant platforms that bring this very worthy dream to fruition. The other day at Gabriel Ogbechie’s 60th, Julius waltzed in with his arms akimbo, and you could tell that this bobo was on to something big. He sat beside me, ordered his drink and smiled. “Edgar, wetin dey happen?” and I responded, “Nothing o. Na your face we dey look. How is the project going?” He smiled again, “My brother, we dey push am.” Julius is well-positioned as the world is looking more and more at clean energy, and Nigeria has some of the largest pools of gas in the world. His LNG will be a major player, and we just might be having another Aliko Dangote in our hands at this pace. Well done, bro. We are all standing by you, and we know for a fact that you will deliver powerfully on this promise. Well done, sir. Abubakar Malami: 48 Laws of Power I know a lot of you will scream now o. So Edgar can read. So this very popular book, 48 Laws of Power, gets quoted by people who want to pretend that they are intellectuals. Anyway, the book has nothing to do wi
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